SKU: 3442768394

If Only I'd Known!

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Description

If Only I'd Known!There is also an ebook version available of this title, it is for sale from Amazon or your usual provider. This book follows on from 'It Wasn't Me Sir' as Bernard Carter leaves school and tries to become an adult. With hilarious consequences. Being grown up is a real pain! He has to clean his teeth, wash daily and change his underpants more often. Get drunk, have sex, get married, become a student. Acquire a dipstick dog, a Lambretta, a death wish and

There is also an ebook version available of this title, it is for sale from Amazon or your usual provider. 

This book follows on from 'It Wasn't Me Sir' as Bernard Carter leaves school and tries to become an adult. With hilarious consequences. Being grown up is a real pain!

He has to clean his teeth, wash daily and change his underpants more often. Get drunk, have sex, get married, become a student. Acquire a ‘dipstick’ dog, a Lambretta, a death wish and a job with egg-bound scientists.

At work he is forced to buy cream cakes for people he does not like; he tries, and fails to get off with the tea girl, but he does have better success drinking, getting drunk and holding up the last bus to Heanor.

First-time sex was a disaster, not helped by a snuffling dog and a mean-spirited barber. He does get a wife and she gets Jumbo the canine equivalent of the village idiot! His aged father-in-law also gives him sex advice in an unintelligible dialect,

He also starts a caving club, gets stuck in a hole with a dysenteric dog; and sees pictures of his neighbour’s naked wife. These and many more stories will keep you entertained and laughing out loud.

About the Author

Born and educated in Derby, Bernard Carter left the area after gaining a Diploma in Creative Photography at the College of Art.

After a short, but successful career in photography he became a self-taught Botanical Artist and Illustrator and still exhibits on behalf of the Royal Horticultural Society as a Gold Medallist.

Bernard has moved constantly around the UK and is well travelled having a particular love for the remoter parts of Australia. He presently lives in Miller’s Dale, Derbyshire.

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SKU: 3442768394

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Whit777
Omaha, US
★★★★★ 5
Awesome watch highly recommend
Color: All black, Color: All black
My husband bought me this brand of watch for my birthday and it’s so awesome. It looks blingy but not in a bad way. Kinda looks like a Rolex. No battery.I bought him a one and he loves it .
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Reviewed in the United States on October 22, 2025
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Amazon Customer
Waukegan, US
★★★★★ 5
Solid Trifold Wallet
Color: Two Tone - Cobalt Blue, Color: Two Tone - Cobalt Blue
This wallet is really nice. The stitching looks great and the materials appear to be solid. It’s exactly what I was looking for. It’s a touch smaller than my previous wallet, but that’s not a bad thing as they’re very close. It opens easily and folds back together with no problems. I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a solid trifold.
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Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2026
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Michael
Houston, US
★★★★★ 5
Love The Nautica Wallet
Color: Embossed Leather - Black, Color: Embossed Leather - Black
I love the way it feels and fits, no diddy. The black leather with the blue inside really gives it a nice look to it. Quality wise I say in my opinion is perfect. Space for your money and debt cards. Performance wise, it gave me 2 hp to my car. Other than that I love the wallet. Thanks Nautica 😊
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Reviewed in the United States on June 3, 2024
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Tim Cech
Pawtucket, US
★★★★★ 5
Compact fit for a variety of cards
Color: Two Tone - Black/Cognac
This trifold wallet is compact, is durable enough to survive heavy daily use, and stylish on a budget.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2026
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Konstantin B.
West Palm Beach, US
★★★★★ 5
Simple but good made, quality leather
Color: Two Tone - Cobalt Blue
Great quality, good leather.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 18, 2025

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