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Description
The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes)A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realms most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier. Whats mine stays mine. Step One: Kidnap someone cute. Step Two: Force her into marriage. Step Three: Try not to catch feelings. When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets
A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realm’s most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier.“What’s mine stays mine.”
Step One: Kidnap someone cute.
Step Two: Force her into marriage.
Step Three: Try not to catch feelings.
When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets is a knife to the throat and a furious woman with demands of her own. He may need her heroic bloodline to achieve ultimate dominion, but she’s not about to make this easy for him.
Arabella has already survived her father’s tower prison and a lifetime of being treated like property. Getting abducted by the realm’s most notorious villain is just another Tuesday. If she must be married to the infuriating (and infuriatingly attractive) Dark Lord, she’ll do it on her terms: freedom within his fortress, hands strictly to himself, and complete honesty about his plans.
But when those plans go awry, Kazimir faces his most terrifying challenge yet: he must date his own wife. Between magical training sessions, playing golf with the eyeballs of his enemies, and aphrodisiac dinners gone spectacularly wrong, his attempts at villainous seduction are failing at every turn.
As Kazimir and Arabella navigate magical explosions and jealous exes, they discover a far more terrifying prospect than war or magical catastrophe: They might actually be falling for each other.
This dark and sexy fantasy romance is perfect for readers who love: a morally gray antihero (who stays that way); a strong heroine who embraces her dark side (she doesn’t need rescuing, thanks); touch her and die trope; hilarious, wicked banter and sizzling spice; one bed/forced proximity; kidnapped bride/forced marriage; and dark humor.
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4.3 ★★★★★
Based on 17 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 4
The squeeker isn't durable, but the balls themselves are.
Color: S6-muti-color, Color: S6-muti-color
I have two 70+lb, ball obsessed dogs (a field bred Golden Retriever, and an Old Time Scotch Collie), and these balls are living up to the abuse they're receiving.
In the fall we always lose a ball or two in the yard due to getting lost in leaves or longer grass, so I always try and buy a multi pack at the start of the season, so went with these this year. I'm glad I did. Great price for a 6 pack, they fit the medium Chuck-It launcher (a little loosely, but they throw just fine), have great bounce, they FLOAT (which means I didn't lose any at the beach), and they're super durable to the dreaded "mouth squish." The squeaker dies pretty quick, like, within a day, but it isn't the kind that can fall out or choke your dog, so no worries there.
The boys are happy, I'm happy, my wallet is happy - I've already ordered another pack.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 2, 2024
★★★★★ 5
Good balls
Color: S6-glow
My dog is a chewer, and these have held up for close to a year actually a pretty good product
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Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2026
★★★★★ 3
Disappointed
Color: S6-muti-color
These were great for about 20 minutes then they stopped squeaking...we have 2 left that I have saved but the other 4 do not squeak anymore...disappointed as my dog loves to squeak things...would not buy these again...My dog is only an 8lb dog too...but he can still play with the balls without the squeak...
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Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Great Value for a ball my dog loves!
Color: S6-muti-color
I wish these ball were in the subscription program! My dog gets sooo excited by the new ball, but her interest in things lasts for a few days. She kills the squeak within 11minutes, but the squeaker stays in place rather than becoming a chocking or swallow hazard, and she still loves to chew it. Next, we must throw the ball approximately 723 times the first day, possibly 496 times on day 2, and just 3- 4 on day 3, at which point she will chase the ball before hollering "it's over here if you need it," while she checks on the chipmunk den. We currently have 17 of these balls in our yard (because we have given several leftovers to a less discriminating doodle next door). These balls hold up really well, get her extremely active for the first couple of days, and are a much cheaper than doggie daycare (after an active morning with a new ball, she is happy to chew on it and sleep much of the day). I always have these on hand!
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Reviewed in the United States on November 22, 2025
★★★★★ 4
Pieces chewed off
Color: white & green
My Aussiedoodle loves it. I throw it down the hallway, it bounces crazy, and he chases it. The only complaint is that he can't chew much of the ball part. So now I have to have it put away and brought out for special playtime.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2026